Delivering bad news to a client.
Giving feedback to a teammate.
Telling your manager that actually…. you don’t know how to do that task even though you reassured them for 3 weeks that you “totally, definitely do”.
Scary conversations suck, so hard.
But, the more you do them, the stronger the muscle gets.
This week we talk prepping for them, next week we'll cover the "doing" part.
1. Pick Your Hard
Ask yourself — which is worse — [hard conversation] or [thing that will happen if I don’t have the conversation]?
Pushing back on unrealistic client demands is hard.
Working until 9pm every night is harder.
Or —
Telling a coworker you disagree with part of the project plan is hard.
Executing something you don’t believe in for the next year is harder.
Or —
Telling your boss you booked an extended overseas holiday, 6 months ahead of time is hard.
Telling them 6 days ahead is harder.
2. Power Statement
Intrinsic, identity-based motivation is way more powerful and sustainable than extrinsic motivation.
It’s better to say:
- "I'm a runner” vs “I go for runs”
- “I’m someone who eats clean” vs “I have to eat a healthy lunch today”
Build yourself a power statement for tough conversations by connecting it to a core value or character trait.
- I value [personal value] therefore I have tough conversations.
- I have [character trait] therefore I have tough conversations.
For example, one of my core values is grit. So my power statement becomes:
“I have grit, therefore I have tough conversations."
You might value courage. So it becomes:
“I'm courageous, therefore I have tough conversations."
3. Practice
Write a script. Even the most experienced leaders I know still write scripts.
The point isn’t to say it word for word (that usually doesn't work).
But, starting strong with a few sentences that feel natural (because you've practiced them out loud a few times), will get you off on the right foot and the rest will flow.
AI is your best friend for ideas and role-play, just 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 promise me you won’t ever read an entire AI generated script word for word to someone.
🔮 AI Prompts —
- Prompt 1: "Help me write a script for a tough conversation with [my manager, a client, a coworker etc]. Ask me clarifying questions until you are 95% confident that you can complete the task successfully."
- Prompt 2: "Now help me role play the conversation."
4. Pay-Off
Ask yourself this:
When this conversation is done, what should change?
What will this person know or do?
Make sure you’re working that into your script (often we start strong but forget to land the real message). Thinking about the positive pay-off (not just the hard convo) helps you stay motivated 💪🏼.